Ryan Stark
Ryan shares his love of being creative, debunks some of the myths surrounding diabetes, and about what it's like living with this condition.
More Than Our Story
Joe Tolles
Joe Tolles is a semi-retired, professional hockey player, CrossFit gym owner/operator, and organ donor. In his own words, he is a down-to-earth person, someone who gets joy out of seeing his North Shore Athletic Club crew of family and friends everyday. He may downplay it, but his work ethic and motivation are inspirational, and he makes sure everyone in the gym feels like family. Above all, Joe takes pride in being there for everyone, supporting them, and following everyone’s progress.
The first pro hockey player from his hometown of Toledo, Ohio, his hard work ethic and self-reliance come from his father. His mother imparted in him her empathy and respect for others. It’s this mixture of traits: discipline, accountability and empathy, which make him such a great captain, coach, husband, son, brother, and this month’s profile.
His professional hockey career has many highlights, but when asked which one he would recall as his favorite, in typical fashion, he chose not to mention one of his championships. Instead, paying homage to those who helped him navigate the early uncertain years. Opting to recount the time he signed his first professional contract.
As my CrossFit coach, Joe is a constant source of motivation for me, but he truly became an inspiration when I learnt he was in the process of donating his kidney to his mother. Talking with him about that decision, it truly became clear the selflessness with which he operates everyday, and that he meant every word when he said, “I just think if you work hard, and you’re good to people, a good friend, a good brother, a good son, life just works out for you”.
Q&A With Joe Tolles
You’re a former pro-hockey player, CrossFit gym owner/operator, organ donor, what am I missing? Who is Joe Tolles?
I think the way to best describe me is as a down to earth person. I just love people. I have been fortunate in my life to be good at sports which has let me live the life I want to live, but what I really get joy out of, is seeing you guys, my North Shore crew everyday, and seeing your progress. Knowing what you, Dan, are going through, what we’re all going through, if all I can do is make people’s days a little bit better – that’s always been my goal. I never wanted to be a professional hockey player, to be rich and famous, I just wanted to do what I love, and help people along the way.
Would you say your upbringing made you the person you are today? Was there a role model that you looked up to?
I’m more of a chameleon. I’ve taken advice from lots of different things in my life. I come from a good home, two loving parents, who despite splitting up as I got older, were always supportive of me and my sister. My dad owned his own mechanic shop and my mom worked at a school. We come from humble beginnings, and my work ethic definitely comes from that. I never had a pro athlete in my family, and where I’m from in Ohio there was never a pro hockey player before me. I knew at a young age that I made people happy, that I was a good teammate. I had a lot of buddies, so I rode the hockey thing to see where it took me. I had fun along the way, got to see some cool places, meet some great people, and along the way worked with a few coaches that inspire you to work really hard, or teach you discipline to wake up in the morning and be accountable.
My dad taught me about hard work, and taught me not to rely on anybody. I didn’t want a business partner. I wanted to be successful, but didn’t want the pressure of having this fail on anyone but me. I don’t need to bring somebody else into this and have expectations on them, I wanted to do it myself.
My mom, I talk to her every day, I have my whole life. I think I learn my empathy from my mom. There’s a part of me that is very hard-working… but I also have empathy for people and their situations, and my mom is very much that way. She’s always helped me to just appreciate what I have, and respect other people.
How would your closest friends describe you?
My best friends would probably say exactly what anyone at the gym would say, that I would give them the shirt off my back. If I won the lottery, North Shore would be free, I would do it without hesitation!… I don’t do it for financial reasons at all. I genuinely just love to come here every day, and I would do it for free. I don’t feel personally like I have anything that’s that special… I just think if you work hard, and you’re good to people, a good friend, a good brother, a good son, life just works out for you.”
I just think if you work hard, and you're good to people, a good friend, a good brother, a good son, life just works out for you
What’s something most of your friends wouldn’t know about you?
“Oh that’s a good one! I’m terrified of roller coasters. When I was a kid, we grew up near Cedar Point which was one of largest roller coaster parks in the area, and we used to go all the time. I would get made so much fun of, that I would never want to go. Now my nieces and nephews make fun of me. I’ll pay for them, but no way am I riding one. Don’t tell anybody.”
When did you begin playing hockey?
I actually had a bit of a different story. A lot of Canadian kids start at like 3 or 4. They don’t really have hockey where I’m from – they still don’t have an elite hockey league. I had to drive an hour to Detroit for practice when I was 10. My dad played high school hockey, and wanted me to play hockey, but my mom didn’t, she thought it was too violent. My dad put me on the ice when I was like four. It was outside, in the winter, and I hated it because it was cold. [I was thinking] he was probably going to tie my skates too tight. I cried the whole time. So I didn’t go back on the ice. When I was six, I asked my mom for rollerblades, and started playing roller hockey. Then that winter, I asked my mom to play ice hockey and she agreed. So I got equipment, and when I got out on the ice, that was just it. I could just rip around, and it was my favorite thing in the world, and my whole life, until I found CrossFit.
Are you still playing?
The cool thing about living up here (Hamilton, Canada), is they have senior A hockey, the Allan Cup, where I was captain for a few years. It’s all ex-professionals, and very competitive, so a lot of guys still play that, but we couldn’t play the past couple years because of COVID. They don’t have that program anywhere else. They’re trying to get me back to play, and maybe coach, but it’s hard, because other things have filled the void.
What was the greatest moment of your hockey career?
We won a few championships, which is great, but I think signing my first professional contract was pretty cool. You always think you’re good enough, but everybody’s good, especially at the higher levels of the sport… When I was 10, trying out for Pee-Wee AAA in Detroit, there were 100 kids, and they were looking for 12. You don’t think about that, it just becomes your reality. As you grow older, you make the next level, get a scholarship, move to major, then sign a professional deal, that’s just your reality, you don’t realize how small of a group you’re in. For me, I always wanted to play professionally, but I didn’t have an uncle or a friend in the OHL that I could follow, so me and my parents just kind of navigated it. I remember, my fiancé (now wife) and I were sitting in her parents’ basement when I got the call from my agent, they wanted to sign me. You’re young, you don’t make any money, you’re just grinding, hoping you’re going to get an offer. It was the coolest moment for sure.
Have you ever considered coaching hockey?
I’ve had a lot of opportunities to coach hockey. It’s a natural progression for a lot of people, they’re used to the lifestyle, maybe have a degree, maybe don’t, maybe had it from 15 years ago, they don’t want to go back to a normal life and start at the bottom. For me, I would never really count it out, but again, I just love this place. When they were doing the age-group qualifiers (for the CrossFit Open) , I was away in Halifax before I knew those were coming out, and I was so bummed I wasn’t here for them. I don’t want to not be here and miss out on stuff, and if I start coaching and I’m away for weekends… I’m an all-in kind of guy, if I’m coaching hockey, I’m coaching hockey. I’m not going to do this half-assed. I’m just not ready to give North Shore up yet.
Have you always been into CrossFit?
Yeah, I think the first time I did it I was all in. I have always loved training, and off-season training, and was doing crazy stuff like flipping tires in my driveway. When I was in Texas, playing around 2014, my sister messaged me and told me, “Hey I’m watching this CrossFit thing, you’d love it, it’s totally your thing”. I was always into obstacle courses and such, so I said “Okay, I want to do it”. Our trainer actually went to CrossFit gym, so I told him I wanted to go to a class with him, and we went the next day to a 6 AM class… I got wrecked, and my coach was so mad at me. I didn’t do another class because we were still in the season, and then when I went home for the summer, there’s a CrossFit gym in Toledo, and I joined. Two weeks in, I knew I wanted to own a CrossFit gym.
How did the opportunity to purchase this place come about?
It’s actually a funny story. Bianca and I got married in Ohio in the summer of 2016. I was still playing at that time, my wife was just breaking into the field as an esthetician and had just finished school. I had just finished my season, and I was working for the gas company back home for a few months, it was horrible. I was in Ohio working because I didn’t have a Visa yet, and she was up here planning the wedding. I came up here to visit her family, and we were talking about the future, and she told me she wanted to start her career, she didn’t want to follow me around. We had been doing that for a while. I had already been coaching CrossFit on the side back home, so she suggested looking for some gyms around here to coach at.
We were actually on our way to look at centerpieces (for the wedding), and she pointed out this gym as we passed called Tidal CrossFit. I found their gym on Facebook, and messaged to see if they needed any coaches. Turns out, the owner at the time was at the gym at that moment, and asked if I could stop in. We talked for like 20 minutes, turned out we knew some people in common in the OHL, and he needed a coach the next day. So I ended up doing that for a year and a half, then went back to play hockey for my last year. Then, halfway through the season, the old owner called me, and asked if I wanted to buy the gym, to which I said no. He called again towards the end of the season, and I told him I’d be back in the Summer, and we’d see how it goes. I ended up speaking with some of the members about the opportunity, and they helped convince me. I’ve never looked back since.
Do you think your background as a hockey player (your work ethic, your coaches), has enabled you to run a successful CrossFit gym?
I do, and I think that’s because I had a lot of really great, and not so great coaches along the way. I think the best coaches I’ve ever had brought the team together, but also let people be individuals, and do what makes them happy. I’ve been to a lot of gyms that had a certain way that they wanted things to be done, and I’ve played for coaches that are that way, and it rubs people the wrong way after a while. I definitely have core morals, and a culture that I want to cultivate at the gym, but I also want my members to do what makes them happy, and I want everyone to be happy when they come here.
So, I think that playing hockey, learning people’s personalities, and how to be a teammate were instrumental. I was very lucky to be a captain, managing very different personalities. Some guys you’ve got to get on them, and some guys don’t handle that well, so you’ve got to learn how to navigate those turbulent waters, like in playoffs when tempers are up, you’ve got to be that calm person in the middle. I learned that I do transfer that very much here, to keep it serious, but light and funny. If you want to come and just do your own thing, I’m gonna lay off, I’m gonna feel your energy. I think more CrossFit owners could be a lot more successful if they just got out of their own way. I think a lot of people that own small businesses have egos, just like some coaches I’ve played for. Life doesn’t work that way. People are people, you just gotta love them. They’re coming and paying their money, they want to do their work out, it makes them happy, let them do it. I learned that along the way for sure.
I think more CrossFit owners could be a lot more successful if they just got out of their own way
There was a lot of buzz around the gym recently for the CrossFit Open, have you ever competed?
I’ve competed in all the Opens, and had my best finish ever this year! It’s kind of hard not to be able to compete in the Quarter Finals because of the transplant – but that’s what I honestly love about CrossFit. You can compete for your whole life which is really cool, and that’s honestly why I think I love it more than hockey. With hockey, you’re married to the game. You move away for 8 months, you can’t come home for Christmas, it’s all encompassing, but with CrossFit, I can still be competitive as an athlete. I can still hang out with my friends, be home for the holidays, and hang out with you guys at 9 AM. I know I’m at work teaching a class, but it’s more fulfilling to me than hockey. I’m definitely very lucky, because I find myself, post retirement from hockey, way more fulfilled than I ever was doing it. I found hockey for me was always hard, because people were always asking “how was your season”? It was always me, me, me. I want the people around me to be happy… I’m happy by myself, I don’t need accolades. I find being an athlete in this setting is way more fulfilling for me.
It’s awesome that I can train in the morning and die on the rower, and then coach you guys and make you smile. With hockey, or any elite sport like that, you’re just really naturally talented. I could always skate really fast; I didn’t have to get a coach. CrossFit is one of those things where it’s more like a mirror of life, if you work really hard, and don’t cheat the process, you could actually be really successful, and I love that.
I'm definitely very lucky, because I find myself, post retirement from hockey, way more fulfilled than I ever was doing it... CrossFit is one of those things where it's more like a mirror of life, if you work really hard, and don’t cheat the process, you could actually be really successful, and I love that.
Tell me about your decision to donate your kidney to your mom.
It wasn’t much of a decision to be honest with you. I kind of told my mom that we were doing it. My mom called me crying and said she needed to go on dialysis, and she needed a kidney. I was like don’t be sad, I can give you one of mine. I was pretty sure I could donate one kidney and live a good life, but I spoke before I was sure. I was ignorant to the whole process, and how small the chance was that we would match… I had to go home, get a bunch of tests, and meet a bunch of criteria before I could meet the requirements to donate an organ. There’s a lot of times when people want to donate an organ, but they’re not physically able to do so. So, you get all these tests done and the whole time it could be all for nothing.
I learned that children donating to their parents is often difficult, because the parent knows it’s from their child, and they don’t want to harm them, so the risk of rejection is increased. So basically you’re given two options, you can take a deceased donor – but the organ it’s only good for seven years, so you have to get another transplant – or you can get a live donor, preferably like me to my mom. So I finally got her on board to do that, and then the next day we got an email and they confirmed our match. So I just went home and did it.
You seem to have healed well. Anything you are not capable of doing yet?
There’s definitely stuff I still can’t do. Anything where I’m really extended. I haven’t done any pull-ups, or muscle-ups. I can do pretty much anything to keep myself in shape, but I think it’s really a testament to just being healthy. I just don’t know what else to do, my whole life has always been just work hard and things will work out, take five minutes and feel sorry for yourself and then get up and move on. I definitely have a rule like that with myself, through hockey, the ups and downs, owning a business through COVID. I give myself a day to just feel bad about it, tomorrow, get up, let’s go. That’s how I’ve approached this whole thing. The first week I couldn’t really do a lot, I slept a lot, then when I came back I started coaching, and told myself the minute I feel okay I’m gonna do some stuff. The first day I think I did like 15 minutes on the bike and that’s all I did. Then everyday I tested it a little more. Kind of like you, like what are you gonna do? Just put one foot in front of the other and just keep going.
I just don't know what else to do, my whole life has always been just work hard and things will work out, take five minutes and feel sorry for yourself and then get up and move on... I give myself a day to feel bad about it, tomorrow, get up, let's go.
Do you have any advice to give to people considering becoming a donor?
I think that what I learned from being able to do that for my mom is our health, and our ability to just come work out, and hang out with your friends is a gift, and people take it for granted. We are lucky that we can do this because there are people that have an inability to be able to move at all. It’s been very rewarding for me to see my mom, and how good she’s doing, and to know that because of the work that I put in every day that’s been able to happen, so that’s pretty cool.
What would you consider your greatest accomplishment?
I just try to be a good friend, and life works out. I don’t think I’ve done anything that great.
Greatest challenge you’ve overcome?
I think getting through COVID while keeping this place intact. Because for a lot of people this is like their therapy. Like you know, I love to joke around, I’m an extrovert, but a lot of people in the past couple years have fought some very big battles, internally, in their family, people lost their jobs, the vaccine mandates, people getting kicked out of gyms. I just held strong on to what I thought was the right thing to do, and just accept people and their decisions. Who am I to tell anybody what to do with her life? I think that in the midst of all this chaos that was going on, and all these people with opinions, being able to stand up for what I believed in, to really support the people that I loved, and the people that I know care about me, and care about each other. I would say that was it for sure.
Any regrets?
I don’t think I do. People see a pro athlete and a gym owner. I think I’ve definitely dealt with a lot of adversity living that style of life, but I think it’s all lessons. I appreciate all those really hard times. Maybe I did make the wrong decision sometimes, because I got into situations that weren’t great, but I think that’s the only way you learn. I think if everything is easy your whole life, then you have no idea what it’s like to suffer, and you don’t appreciate anything.
I appreciate all those really hard times. Maybe I did make the wrong decision sometimes because I got into situations that weren’t great, but I think that’s the only way you learn.
Is there something that’s stuck with you over the years?
I do think that people are going to remember you for your work ethic, and how they felt when they were around you. I am a firm believer in just being a good person, and life just works out for you. I feel like I work so hard. I give myself, my money, my family, my time, but I get tenfold in return, with all of you guys, in the relationships that I get. I live in Canada, I have a family here through you guys, and I feel so much more fulfilled than probably you guys do from me – I’m just an hour a day in your life. I think that just being a good person has always been my mantra.
What would you tell a 10-year-old you?
Just enjoy the ride buddy!
What would you like to hope to hear from a 100-year-old you?
Did you smile every day? I think that would be awesome, because it’s really easy to get caught up in all the crap that goes on in our lives, but it’s not that.
Daniel
Daniel is an extremely curious person, a wealth of random knowledge and facts. Extremely passionate about a vast array of interests ranging from health to history, science to athletics, everything culinary and the list goes on. Trust us, you would want to be on his team for Trivial Pursuit.
Daniel is also years into his battle with brain cancer. He experienced a seizure while on a Zoom call at work in late 2020 and quite literally, his life changed within minutes. After his operation he started to talk about his story but had always known it was more than just him. From then, More Than Our Story became a PROJECT that has evolved into the starting point it is today.
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The inaugural profile is none other than Daniel Hight, founder of More Than Our Story.
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Joe Tolles is a semi-retired, professional hockey player, CrossFit gym owner/operator, organ donor, and inspiration to others.
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